Today a friend asked me about a book I read a long time ago; The Mother-in-law Dance.
This is, as you can imagine, aimed at the new and many times awkward role of the mother-in-law. Unfortunately, we all have stories about mother-in-laws, sometimes they are our own! Even when we enter this relationship unscathed, it doesn’t take much time to begin our own clumsy dance.
As I’ve reflected on the many years of occupying both sides of this fence, I have regrets.
Yes, I’ve been hurt and misunderstood, I’ve also wounded and acted petty.
I presumed much and have forgotten how fragile the cords that tie us together are woven.
A tear can be mended, but it will be seen.
But perhaps this is the beauty of the dance?
This is, as you can imagine, aimed at the new and many times awkward role of the mother-in-law. Unfortunately, we all have stories about mother-in-laws, sometimes they are our own! Even when we enter this relationship unscathed, it doesn’t take much time to begin our own clumsy dance.
As I’ve reflected on the many years of occupying both sides of this fence, I have regrets.
Yes, I’ve been hurt and misunderstood, I’ve also wounded and acted petty.
I presumed much and have forgotten how fragile the cords that tie us together are woven.
A tear can be mended, but it will be seen.
But perhaps this is the beauty of the dance?
My story begins early as an adopted child of divorce. I have deep ruts forged through these hard places.
I fear I will not be enough.
Whether this is true, this isn’t the point, this is my real fear and it’s what keeps me acting and reacting in ways that can cause hurt to those I desperately want to love well.
I fear I will not be enough.
Whether this is true, this isn’t the point, this is my real fear and it’s what keeps me acting and reacting in ways that can cause hurt to those I desperately want to love well.
I can choose to believe there's no hope of change and accept that I will be forgotten, or I can learn some new fancy steps and stay on the floor.
As we dance through mother-in-lawing, we must continue to be open to the new and different.
Our 2-step is now a complicated tango involving a lot more finesse and balance.
Allowing another important person to take their place, requires stepping back. This feels wrong and scary because, if I step back, I will be out of the circle. And this is the circle that I have occupied for a long time.
Here’s the rub - we want to be loved and included and in our desire for this, we can move where it’s too crowded to dance well.
For some, this is an easy transition, but for many it continues to be hard.
As we dance through mother-in-lawing, we must continue to be open to the new and different.
Our 2-step is now a complicated tango involving a lot more finesse and balance.
Allowing another important person to take their place, requires stepping back. This feels wrong and scary because, if I step back, I will be out of the circle. And this is the circle that I have occupied for a long time.
Here’s the rub - we want to be loved and included and in our desire for this, we can move where it’s too crowded to dance well.
For some, this is an easy transition, but for many it continues to be hard.
Sunday is Mother’s Day. It’s one of the biggest cash cows, with consumers spending over 23 billion, which is around $180 per mom, wow!
So is it any wonder we might be a bit conflicted about how we actually feel about Mother’s Day?
Maybe our mom isn’t here anymore and we hold hurts that beg to be released but it’s still the only dance we know.
Our new position as “the mother-in-law” is lost in the celebrating because there are other moms to be honored. Maybe we have adult sons who are also fathers and they now have responsibilities other than celebrating us. Our grown daughters are now mother's and they deserve this acknowledgement. Again, trying to explain, justify or move on isn’t the beauty of what carefully choreographed steps could become - a beautiful, complicated ever-evolving modern dance.
This is a love letter to all of my mom-friends. You have filled so many places in my life. My deep ruts are no longer craters where I can fall and never get out. Your love, acceptance, encouragement and friendship continues to fill these hard places. You remind me of how much God wants to heal our hurts.
He shows us the vast array of many loves. Each is unique and specific.
As we allow our hearts to remain open and soft, love rushes in and keeps filling the lonely and discouraged parts.
He shows us the vast array of many loves. Each is unique and specific.
As we allow our hearts to remain open and soft, love rushes in and keeps filling the lonely and discouraged parts.
My hope and prayer for Sunday, is that you will know that the plumb line is not an Instagram or Facebook-worthy post, a gift that impresses, cards on your counter or even everyone around your table.
It’s knowing the deep, ever-present, abiding love of our great God.
It’s knowing the deep, ever-present, abiding love of our great God.
When this truly becomes your truth, then you will dance!
Happy Mother’s Day.
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