Ice Cream

How's retirement? 
Do you feel more energized? 
What did you used to do? 
Where do I start? 
Here's the short answer; Weird. No. Too much!
 Unsettled.
As you can see I'm not as reconciled to all of this as I would like. 
I want to have a smart, well-thought out response,reciting my past accomplishments with wit and charm. 
Instead I feel small and awkward. I don't have anything important to list and my days seem to melt together like a bowl of ice-cream on a hot day. 
In fact, eating ice cream sounds really good. Feeling adrift and unsettled in this sea of indecisions and unknowns is growing. 
I'm finding a new agenda - trying to prove my worth now that I'm unemployed. This is exhausting. I have an annoying urge to do something, be someone, feel important. Ouch. 
Behind.
So early today I went outside, and began to read my 24/7 Bible. (That will be another post.) For those of you who might be on this journey with me, I confess I'm behind. Another place of disappointment. I digress. 
So even though I'm behind, it is exactly what I needed. What about you?

Is anyone thirsty?

Come and drink - 

even if you have no money!

Come, take your choice of wine or milk-

it's all free!

Why spend your money on food that does not give you strength?

Why pay for food that does you no good?

Listen to me, and you will eat what is good.

You will enjoy the finest food.

Come to me with your ears wide open.

Listen, and you will find life.

I will make an everlasting covenant with you.

I will give you all the unfailing love I promised to David.

"My thoughts are nothing like your thoughts," says the LORD.

"And my ways are far beyond anything you could imagine"

Isaiah 55:1-3,8.

Listening.
I'm seeing a truth emerging. Once again it is me trying too hard. 
Why do I make everything such a job? This is not a task to be accomplished, but an offer of becoming. 
Could I entertain the possibility of a new way to listen? Resisting the urge to demand what the result will be? 

God is calling, offering me perfect peace. 
I can hide in Him, release my burdens to the burden-bearer. 
Thank you God that your ways are far beyond anything I can imagine.

Maybe it's time for some ice-cream? Join me, it's summer. 

Our Friend

It's often said that anything worth having is worth the effort to accomplish it. 
I'm wondering if this applies in friendship? 
Maybe I'm trying to convince myself that if I have to try then it isn't meant to be? 
Working hard to organize my stuff, maintain the garden or balancing my checkbook is predictable. 
When I put in the effort, I can see the results. 
The satisfaction of a job well done is fulfilling.

 Growth.
These places of care don't require working with the unpredictable nature of the heart. This is where the expected meets the unknown. 
If I plant vegetables, water and fertilize consistently, I will receive a harvest. 
A plus B equals C. It's a nice tidy equation. 
In growing a friendship, there are no rules for making this happen. I must enter the fragile unknown places of the heart. 
I can easily be misunderstood or worse, ignored. 
My great need propels me forward and I begin the adventure into friendship-growing. 
Friends can be a great distraction and sometimes that's exactly what's needed. 
But for the long haul, I desire friendships that call me to a better place.

In The Message  the Holy Spirit is called our Friend. 
We are never left alone. 
He is always with us. 
He will make everything plain to us. 
He will remind us of everything God has told us.

Gifts.
God has created us for relationship and as I seek a friendship with Him, I find fulfillment, which in turn grows the depth of relationship with others. I experience a rich place of connection that flows out of my time with Him. The effort is great, yet in my willingness to submit and yield, the sweetest fruit is realized. A dear and treasured gift emerges in friendship. 

Just as the garden changes depending on the season, a friendship forged in connection through our Heavenly Father experiences change. 
When stuff happens, we seek out those who know us and still love us. 
The new bloom of a fresh friendship although exciting cannot be sustained through the winters of life. We seek out relationships that have sustenance because it can be a long cold season. Eventually spring emerges and we are treated to the beauty and splendor of color and fragrance. Everything is fresh and alive.

In life we begin to see change, which grows our hope not in what we have done, but in the powerful and life-giving places God is restoring.

With us.
Are you walking in a season of winter? Or do you feel the hope of spring filling your days? 
God desires to use the winter and spring of our lives. We are never alone, even in the dead of winter. 
Our Gardener is preparing the soil well. 
Taking the time to till in everything we need. 
Our Friend, the Holy Spirit,the Comforter is here with us.

May the amazing grace of the Master, Jesus Christ, the extravagant love of God, the intimate friendship of the Holy Spirit, be with all of you. 
2 Corinthians 13:14

Strong

This weekend we traveled to Santa Barbara to visit our son and his best friend who fell over thirty feet off a cliff. 
Entering the ICU, I felt anxious and afraid. 
What would he look like? Could I offer comfort to his family that didn't sound like a bad Hallmark card? 
Crisis.
These are the moments where what has gone before determines what happens next. 
No one can plan how to respond when the unbelievable happens. 
We react in the moment of a crisis. 
Our storehouse of faith is flung open wide fueling the great need to find peace and comfort. 
This is not the time to build our faith for what's desperately needed now!

Control.
I have experienced these crisis moments and every time I feel as if I can't breathe. 
It stops me short. The jumble of emotions that cause my heart to race fuels me to action. 
Yet in the midst of all this swirling, there's a subtle shift from reaction to realization. 
God is in control. 
Everything is under His care. He already knows. 
Oh I flounder, dragging up fears that vie for my attention. But when I come up for air, and listen.
I can hear his voice. 
"Tell Me", He whispers. If I still my heart, I can hear the invitation."Tell Me". 
The dawning of this opportunity seeps into my panic-ridden mind. 
Stregthen.
It takes great energy to silence the siren of despair.
I come to Him with my pleadings. 
Oswald Chambers said that God did not give us overcoming life; He gave us life as we overcome. The strain is the strength. If there is no strain there is no strength.

Truth.
Oh how I want to be strong in my faith. 
Which means I'm willing to join Him in the strain of it all, asking for what this life will bring; sorrow and joy. 
God is close, ready to reveal His mercies and glorious truths. 
Are we strong enough to hear Him?

Lost

Directions are important. Who wants to drive around hoping to find the way, wasting time that could be  spent enjoying the destination? 
We used to carry maps in our cars, depending on the passenger to navigate while we drove. 
Lost.
Now cars are equipped with GPS or we have smart phones. Technology has eased the anxiety of becoming lost. 
If we have the address, we are good to go. 
I find that in issues of the heart I forget to get directions. It's as if there's a fire and rushing forward is my only option so I won't get burned. 
Found.
My "emergency" isn't unknown to God. 
In fact, He's patiently aware and readily available to answer my requests. 
Being found in my need requires me to stop and seek Him. He knows where the road will lead and with Him it's always the way I should go.

  But I'll take the hand of those who don't know the way, who can't see where they're going. I'll be a personal guide to them, directing them through unknown country. I'll be right there to show them what roads to take, make sure they don't fall into the ditch. These are the things I'll be doing for them, not leaving them for a minute. Isaiah 42:16

Who wants to fall into a ditch? 
God is present every minute of every day. 
May we stop long enough to ask for directions!

Dancing

"Life may not be the party we hoped for, but while we are here, we might as well dance!"

Last night we joined some friends to celebrate the end of treatment. 
This news is wonderful and to mark the moment, they held a party. 

Now if asked, I'm sure this was not part of their hopes and dreams to be trudging through chemo treatments every week once again. 
Yes, I did write once again. 
This journey seems to have chapters. 
They finish one season, only to be thrust into another. 
It has been amazing and daunting to watch and learn how this has refined and encouraged them to grab the joy while it's flying close. 

Answers.
Who can predict what tomorrow will bring? Some may want to be cautious waiting to "make sure". 
But what is sure? Are we promised this side of heaven a pain-free existence where all of our plans are accomplished? 
Thankfully no! Every single one of us wants to matter, make our mark that will be long remembered after we're gone - but only on our own terms. 
We want independence and the freedom to plot our course. Yet we find ourselves facing unwanted and unexpected situations. 

Interrupted.
So what do we do? How do we walk this road of interruptions to our plans? 
When we yield and submit to God's purposes, we begin to view our situation as a part of His divine intervention. 
He has a story for us to tell, and it can have eternal significance. 
Exactly what we are looking for in this life. 

Glorified.
I believe my friends get this. 
They are choosing to live as children of a living, heavenly Father who intervenes so that they might illuminate His greatness and glory.
So they have a party - a celebration! 
May we live neither confined or hidden by our circumstances. 
Listen to the music and start dancing!

Rescued

Discontented.
What is our response when we are interrupted, sidelined, stopped? 
I can be counted on to be frustrated and annoyed. I had a plan, something thought-out and organized. 
Why at every turn do I find a wall? 
This internal discontent begins to rise up and my thoughts are captured with ways I have been thwarted. Soon the venom is released. 
Everything is viewed with these glasses of discouragement. Doubt plagues my thoughts with fears and I begin to hold on to what I want. I'm sinking!

The LORD says, "I will rescue those who love me, I will protect those who trust in my name. When they call on me, I will answer, I will be with them in trouble. I will rescue and honor them."

Attention.
Could my interruption be a gracious intervention? Can I look at this through what I believe about God and His plans?

I'm realizing that in order to handle life's interruptions, I need to consider whether God and His purposes for me are really my heart's cry. 
Can I yield to Him if He calls me to do so? 
May I move forward today releasing what I desperately wanted in order to receive what I really need.

4th of July

One of the great things about living in Turlock has been the fireworks. Growing up in a place where lighting something was left to the professionals, I've found the practice of lining up on a driveway or across a lawn to take part in a home celebration to be quite thrilling. There's a method to this madness. You must carefully consider how you want to end the experience so that you have a really big finale. Showers of colors along with a high-pitch wail, followed by a huge bang can bring everyone to their feet. 
After inhaling the acrid smoke, blinded by strobes and flashes of lights and deafened from the explosions, everyone is satisfied. 
The children have danced in the street, waving bright wands of light,while boys of all ages stand around hoping their offering delivered a thrill. 
The food ranges from traditional hot dogs to gourmet dips and spreads. 
The mood is light and hanging out with family and friends on a beautiful night reminds us that fun and festivity is important. 

Letting go.
I'm wondering why celebration comes easily to some, while others find this to be unimportant? 
Why are we afraid to laugh with abandon, eat too much, and take time to just party? 
Children get this. They grab what’s offered, squealing with delight over a lighted stick, enjoying the noise and mayhem. While some of us sit back and watch with guarded hearts never quite giving in to the fun being offered. 
What do I have to loose in letting loose? Maybe for a moment I will forget what's troubling and hurtful today. Would that be a crime? 
In this world, there will be sorrow and joy. So why not grab those joy-moments and squeeze out every ounce of delightfulness. 
No worries, tomorrow may bring more hard things, but for today in this moment there is a celebration to experience. 
Join the fun, love the ones your with, eat another hot dog and celebrate!