May I have this dance?

Wise Words

Start with God - the first step in learning is bowing down to God; only fools thumb their noses at such wisdom and learning. Proverbs 1:7 MSG.

I love directions. A map - so I can find the exit, instructions to a game that's new, a gift registry for the newly married couple releases my anxiety by allowing me to pick something on their list. 
My greatest moments of frustration have been around not knowing what or how to do something and feeling lost and confused. "Where are the instructions"? 

Start with God - the first step in learning is bowing down to God. 

Ah.... a beginning clearly stated. It doesn't seem complicated and I'm even given a first step in my journey of learning. 

Bow down.

So just because it's clearly stated in a few brief words,this is big! At first glance, I can easily agree with the text because- I am not God. Yet I'm faced with the truth that I operate inside like I know some things that should happen, in fact, I have a plan and if asked I can tell you all about it. I struggle when people act in ways I don't like. 
I want everyone to play fair and I believe that doing the "right" thing should be encouraged. Which also means the "wrong" thing is a punishable offense. 

Judge and jury. With all my time spent trying to control others, I loose sight of me. 
My heart gets small along with my mind. 
Life looses it vibrancy as I trudge through trying to keep everyone on the path. 
There is another way, I know this, but I still resist. 
Who will do all the things I'm doing? 
What will happen if I stop?

If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you. James 1:5

How would it look to live in a posture of "bowing down" to God? 
Would any of this really matter? 
I want to find out and am I ever glad I have the directions!

Three Words

I was driving thinking of absolutely nothing when this sign appeared. Actually the sign has been hanging for quite some time, but today it jumped out at me and caused me to stop and actually read all three words.

Think. Forgive. Act.

I haven't thought a lot about "thinking forgiveness" before I act. In fact what I'm usually "thinking" is how I have been hurt, or what I'm going to say the next time. 
What would happen if I thought about forgiving? Is that why "act" follows forgive? 
Reading the account of Joseph and his brothers in Genesis, I am drawn to his incredible words at the end of the story. The brothers became fearful after their father died because they thought Joseph would retaliate because of their harsh treatment of him. Yet Joseph responded with these words;

"Don't be afraid of me. Am I God, that I can punish you? You intended to harm me, but God intended it all for good." Genesis 50:19-20.

When I hold on to my hurt I feel justified because I have been hurt. I want others to know how I have been harmed. I want someone punished!
 Do I really believe that God isn't aware of my pain?

Could I choose to look at this in light of how God could use it for good? 

Jesus came to " bring Good News to the poor. He has sent me to proclaim that captives will be released, that the blind will see, that the oppressed will be set free, and that the time of the LORD'S favor has come".
Luke 4:18-19.  

The word for "set free" in the Greek is aphesis, translated "forgive". He's reminding the people of the observance of the Year of Jubilee, where debts were forgiven, slaves freed and land was given back to the original owners.

We can live in the Year of Jubilee every day because in Christ we are forgiven. He has bestowed on us favor without conditions. 

I'm "thinking" of this today and trusting that my actions will reflect the incredible grace I have received. 
My choice to forgive is my act of embracing the truth that I have been forgiven! Not something I can do alone, so I will keep in prayer, calling out to the One who has forgiven me.

May these three words become a way to live gracefully, freely forgiving because we are embracing the generous forgiveness of our loving Father.

Tempered

 Last week I finally received the news that I was approved for knee surgery. I was overjoyed to go under the knife and couldn't wait for it to happen. 
Now a week out, my excitement has turned to "resigned trudging".

I'm tired of the knee pain, tired of the need for ice, tired of using a walker and tired of not being able to get out and move! 
Oh how a few days can alter my exuberant optimism. 
I'm acting like a big baby and in fact I enjoy holding on to my "poor me" attitude. 

Until...... I began to think about what is now a possibility.

 So many saints have once again stepped in and brought us meals, taken the time to visit, called and emailed their concern for me and my recovery. 
Ouch! 
How quickly I forget. It's a blow to the gut, and in a very appropriate way. 
I'm in need of a major attitude adjustment and it makes me cranky that I'm reacting to my situation in a very small-minded way.

Despair.
How do we keep from becoming small minded when viewing our situations with tunnel vision that draws us deep into despair? 
It doesn't seem to matter if we're talking about too-tight jeans or loosing our house. 
When we travel along this road- all seems lost.

We continue to shout our praise even when we're hemmed in with troubles, because we know how troubles can develop passionate patience in us, and how that patience in turn forges the tempered steel of virtue, keeping us alert for whatever God will do next. Romans 5:3-4 MSG

Impatient.
I seem to be good at passionate impatience today, yet I am intrigued by the thought that my momentary afflictions could be used to forge something that is not easily forgotten, reminding me of what God will do next! 
Maybe talking about what is holding us down and hemming us in is part of how we get to a place of release? 
I don't mean resignation, but a blessed realization that this too is for a purpose. 
Broken.
We are being forged, which is a really hot process of breaking down the compounds found in metal to release the impurities and create something that is strong and pure.

Oh how I want to be strong and pure.

Tempered.
Thank you Jesus that my weak and cranky spirit is not too small-minded for this process. 
Help me in my impatience to look ahead and not back.

 May we celebrate the hope of living with passionate patience through the tempering of our lives for Him, remembering that mining for gold requires time in the crucible before it can be realized as valuable.

Burdened

In The Return of the King, the final book in the Lord of the Rings Trilogy, Tolkien describes the journey of a group of dear friends. Throughout the story, their friendship is stretched and tested, especially Sam and Frodo. 

These two have become like brothers because of their near-death experiences. This seems to fuel their relationship as they pursue their quest to destroy the "One Ring" which requires them to risk their lives in this dangerous pursuit.

 As they make the final ascent up an almost impenetrable mountain, Frodo is overcome by the power of the ring he is carrying and collapses into a boulder field. Sam desperate to continue, pleads with his dear friend, yet the exhausted Frodo lies motionless on the ground. In an act of sheer loyalty and selfless love, Sam picks up his half-dead friend throwing him over his shoulder while continuing the grueling climb toward the entrance of the volcano. He encourages his friend with these words;

  "I can't carry the ring for you, but I can carry you and it as well. So you get! Come on, Mr. Frodo dear! Sam will give you a ride. Just tell him where to go and he'll go."

This is just how Jesus wants to carry us! He offers us a life-giving relationship ready to save us from the evil that so readily traps us leaving us exhausted and unable to move. Jesus is not only willing to carry our burdens, He has become the burden by willingly going to cross for our sake. 
Jesus has laid down his life for his friends.... you and me.

To be called a friend of Jesus is an incredible gift.
Jesus says; "You are my friend if you do what I ask." 

Friendship is rare on this earth. 
It means identity in thought and heart and spirit. 
Walking with Jesus grows our identity in Him. He wants us to know Him as a friend.

What a friend we have in Jesus,

All our sins and grief to bear.

What a privilege to carry, 

Everything to God in prayer.

O what peace we often forfeit,

O what needless pain we bear,

All because we do not carry,

Everything to God in prayer.

What is troubling your heart today? 
Have you talked with your Friend?

Eager

Today is our anniversary. Thirty-two years ago on a hot August evening, two eager souls said "I do." 

I believe eager is important for many reasons. Mainly because I had no idea what "I do" actually would mean. I was eager to begin this journey and after over thirty years of marriage, I'm grateful for this fact. 
Eagerness allowed me to have forward motion and a bit of reckless abandon. 
Thinking through every possible contingency, weighing the pros and cons, comparing statistics probably would  have caused inertia because relationships have an unpredictable nature.  
Our impact, the opportunity to grow each other up, as in "iron sharpening iron" would be lost in a sea of indecision.
Different. 
We are so different and as I continue in this act of marriage, I am very, very grateful. 
Why would I want my mirror image in thinking, doing or emoting?

Abundant Life. 
As I soar and crash in life's joys and sorrows, Peter remains a constant. He's not easily bothered or dismayed. In my immaturity I have wished for something that could have destroyed us both. 
Our boys have benefitted from his calming presence, which reminds me of how partnership is a work in progress. 
God has kept us lacking, so that we continue to seek Him. He reminds us that we are not to look to each other for completion but in Him we are complete. 
He uses both the good times and the hard times to remind me of this all-important truth; in Him we will find abundant life. 

Whether married, divorced, single or widowed, we are only lacking relationally when our eagerness to pursue dies. Marriage is one of many ways in which our God works His mysteries out in the everydayness of life. 
Relationships are all around us, begging to be discovered. There's always room for another friend in our circle. 

 Today I'm eagerly expectant in what the next thirty years will bring both of us.
Who will join our circle?
So for now, may that "I do" become "I will". 
What a gift. 
What a treasure.

Live in harmony with one another.

Accept one another.

Care for one another.

Serve one another in love.

Don't provoke or envy one another.

Carry one another's burdens.

Be kind to one another.

Forgive one another.

Don't lie to one another.

Comfort one another.

Encourage one another.

Pray for one another.

Oh may we eagerly pursue these "one anothers" fueled with hope because of His abundant grace for the journey.

Excellent Harmonies

While traveling in Europe a friend sent me this. Emblazoned on a shirt, it's both funny and troubling. 
I know why she passed this on to me. I love to be right! It seems to be a hill I climb frequently, regardless of what it takes to get to the top. This part of me can be helpful, as in trying to figure out what to do- I can tell you! Seriously ,it's very dangerous because the know-it-all in me can forget what my behavior is doing to the one whose receiving my wisdom. 
I don't know everything, but the trouble comes when I begin operating like I do.  
Which brings me to my post today; How does this work in Friendships?

 When I was young and lamenting my loneliness, my mom would say; "to have a friend, you must be a friend." At the time, I just wanted someone to call me to come over and play! 

 But there's a bigger question here. Desiring friendship requires something from me. If I'm looking to "get something", be entertained, or tell someone what they need to do, I might be disappointed in my friend's response. 

They might feel judged, used or exhausted by all my suggestions. 
Their lack of enthusiasm in our relationship might lead me to judge their response by filling in the blanks with my own answers.

Here's what I am asking.
 Can I be a good friend if I'm assuming how someone is feeling and why they are responding to me in a certain way?

 Choosing to respond with my intuitions instead of actually risking finding out can leave both of us hurt and confused.

 Why do I fear loving freely when I have the One who loves me perfectly as my teacher?

Could this struggle to forget what I think and actually act with my best self be the first step in allowing God to weave His Spirit into my weak attempts? 

Summing it all up, friends. I'd say you"ll do best by filling your minds and meditating on things true, noble, reputable, authentic, compelling, gracious - the best, not the worst; the beautiful, not the ugly; things to praise, not things to curse. Put into practice what you learned from me, what you heard and saw and realized. Do that, and God, who makes everything work together, will work you into his most excellent harmonies.

 How about choosing instead to think on the true and best of one another which might lead us in a new way of being friends?

 This will not be a perfect experience, we will fail frequently, yet we trust that learning these intricate rhythms in friendship is all part of the symphony being created.

Friendship-growing like music-making takes practice. There will be many sour notes along the way, but with each mistake we're training our hearts to be open to the possibilities of a rich and colorful composition. 
Thankfully God knows the score by heart. He patiently allows us to practice until we can begin to hear the beautiful harmonies we've created together. 
Knowing the Composer is the reason why this composition will become a classic. 

Sounds like music to my ears!

Ice Cream

How's retirement? 
Do you feel more energized? 
What did you used to do? 
Where do I start? 
Here's the short answer; Weird. No. Too much!
 Unsettled.
As you can see I'm not as reconciled to all of this as I would like. 
I want to have a smart, well-thought out response,reciting my past accomplishments with wit and charm. 
Instead I feel small and awkward. I don't have anything important to list and my days seem to melt together like a bowl of ice-cream on a hot day. 
In fact, eating ice cream sounds really good. Feeling adrift and unsettled in this sea of indecisions and unknowns is growing. 
I'm finding a new agenda - trying to prove my worth now that I'm unemployed. This is exhausting. I have an annoying urge to do something, be someone, feel important. Ouch. 
Behind.
So early today I went outside, and began to read my 24/7 Bible. (That will be another post.) For those of you who might be on this journey with me, I confess I'm behind. Another place of disappointment. I digress. 
So even though I'm behind, it is exactly what I needed. What about you?

Is anyone thirsty?

Come and drink - 

even if you have no money!

Come, take your choice of wine or milk-

it's all free!

Why spend your money on food that does not give you strength?

Why pay for food that does you no good?

Listen to me, and you will eat what is good.

You will enjoy the finest food.

Come to me with your ears wide open.

Listen, and you will find life.

I will make an everlasting covenant with you.

I will give you all the unfailing love I promised to David.

"My thoughts are nothing like your thoughts," says the LORD.

"And my ways are far beyond anything you could imagine"

Isaiah 55:1-3,8.

Listening.
I'm seeing a truth emerging. Once again it is me trying too hard. 
Why do I make everything such a job? This is not a task to be accomplished, but an offer of becoming. 
Could I entertain the possibility of a new way to listen? Resisting the urge to demand what the result will be? 

God is calling, offering me perfect peace. 
I can hide in Him, release my burdens to the burden-bearer. 
Thank you God that your ways are far beyond anything I can imagine.

Maybe it's time for some ice-cream? Join me, it's summer. 

Our Friend

It's often said that anything worth having is worth the effort to accomplish it. 
I'm wondering if this applies in friendship? 
Maybe I'm trying to convince myself that if I have to try then it isn't meant to be? 
Working hard to organize my stuff, maintain the garden or balancing my checkbook is predictable. 
When I put in the effort, I can see the results. 
The satisfaction of a job well done is fulfilling.

 Growth.
These places of care don't require working with the unpredictable nature of the heart. This is where the expected meets the unknown. 
If I plant vegetables, water and fertilize consistently, I will receive a harvest. 
A plus B equals C. It's a nice tidy equation. 
In growing a friendship, there are no rules for making this happen. I must enter the fragile unknown places of the heart. 
I can easily be misunderstood or worse, ignored. 
My great need propels me forward and I begin the adventure into friendship-growing. 
Friends can be a great distraction and sometimes that's exactly what's needed. 
But for the long haul, I desire friendships that call me to a better place.

In The Message  the Holy Spirit is called our Friend. 
We are never left alone. 
He is always with us. 
He will make everything plain to us. 
He will remind us of everything God has told us.

Gifts.
God has created us for relationship and as I seek a friendship with Him, I find fulfillment, which in turn grows the depth of relationship with others. I experience a rich place of connection that flows out of my time with Him. The effort is great, yet in my willingness to submit and yield, the sweetest fruit is realized. A dear and treasured gift emerges in friendship. 

Just as the garden changes depending on the season, a friendship forged in connection through our Heavenly Father experiences change. 
When stuff happens, we seek out those who know us and still love us. 
The new bloom of a fresh friendship although exciting cannot be sustained through the winters of life. We seek out relationships that have sustenance because it can be a long cold season. Eventually spring emerges and we are treated to the beauty and splendor of color and fragrance. Everything is fresh and alive.

In life we begin to see change, which grows our hope not in what we have done, but in the powerful and life-giving places God is restoring.

With us.
Are you walking in a season of winter? Or do you feel the hope of spring filling your days? 
God desires to use the winter and spring of our lives. We are never alone, even in the dead of winter. 
Our Gardener is preparing the soil well. 
Taking the time to till in everything we need. 
Our Friend, the Holy Spirit,the Comforter is here with us.

May the amazing grace of the Master, Jesus Christ, the extravagant love of God, the intimate friendship of the Holy Spirit, be with all of you. 
2 Corinthians 13:14

Strong

This weekend we traveled to Santa Barbara to visit our son and his best friend who fell over thirty feet off a cliff. 
Entering the ICU, I felt anxious and afraid. 
What would he look like? Could I offer comfort to his family that didn't sound like a bad Hallmark card? 
Crisis.
These are the moments where what has gone before determines what happens next. 
No one can plan how to respond when the unbelievable happens. 
We react in the moment of a crisis. 
Our storehouse of faith is flung open wide fueling the great need to find peace and comfort. 
This is not the time to build our faith for what's desperately needed now!

Control.
I have experienced these crisis moments and every time I feel as if I can't breathe. 
It stops me short. The jumble of emotions that cause my heart to race fuels me to action. 
Yet in the midst of all this swirling, there's a subtle shift from reaction to realization. 
God is in control. 
Everything is under His care. He already knows. 
Oh I flounder, dragging up fears that vie for my attention. But when I come up for air, and listen.
I can hear his voice. 
"Tell Me", He whispers. If I still my heart, I can hear the invitation."Tell Me". 
The dawning of this opportunity seeps into my panic-ridden mind. 
Stregthen.
It takes great energy to silence the siren of despair.
I come to Him with my pleadings. 
Oswald Chambers said that God did not give us overcoming life; He gave us life as we overcome. The strain is the strength. If there is no strain there is no strength.

Truth.
Oh how I want to be strong in my faith. 
Which means I'm willing to join Him in the strain of it all, asking for what this life will bring; sorrow and joy. 
God is close, ready to reveal His mercies and glorious truths. 
Are we strong enough to hear Him?

Lost

Directions are important. Who wants to drive around hoping to find the way, wasting time that could be  spent enjoying the destination? 
We used to carry maps in our cars, depending on the passenger to navigate while we drove. 
Lost.
Now cars are equipped with GPS or we have smart phones. Technology has eased the anxiety of becoming lost. 
If we have the address, we are good to go. 
I find that in issues of the heart I forget to get directions. It's as if there's a fire and rushing forward is my only option so I won't get burned. 
Found.
My "emergency" isn't unknown to God. 
In fact, He's patiently aware and readily available to answer my requests. 
Being found in my need requires me to stop and seek Him. He knows where the road will lead and with Him it's always the way I should go.

  But I'll take the hand of those who don't know the way, who can't see where they're going. I'll be a personal guide to them, directing them through unknown country. I'll be right there to show them what roads to take, make sure they don't fall into the ditch. These are the things I'll be doing for them, not leaving them for a minute. Isaiah 42:16

Who wants to fall into a ditch? 
God is present every minute of every day. 
May we stop long enough to ask for directions!

Dancing

"Life may not be the party we hoped for, but while we are here, we might as well dance!"

Last night we joined some friends to celebrate the end of treatment. 
This news is wonderful and to mark the moment, they held a party. 

Now if asked, I'm sure this was not part of their hopes and dreams to be trudging through chemo treatments every week once again. 
Yes, I did write once again. 
This journey seems to have chapters. 
They finish one season, only to be thrust into another. 
It has been amazing and daunting to watch and learn how this has refined and encouraged them to grab the joy while it's flying close. 

Answers.
Who can predict what tomorrow will bring? Some may want to be cautious waiting to "make sure". 
But what is sure? Are we promised this side of heaven a pain-free existence where all of our plans are accomplished? 
Thankfully no! Every single one of us wants to matter, make our mark that will be long remembered after we're gone - but only on our own terms. 
We want independence and the freedom to plot our course. Yet we find ourselves facing unwanted and unexpected situations. 

Interrupted.
So what do we do? How do we walk this road of interruptions to our plans? 
When we yield and submit to God's purposes, we begin to view our situation as a part of His divine intervention. 
He has a story for us to tell, and it can have eternal significance. 
Exactly what we are looking for in this life. 

Glorified.
I believe my friends get this. 
They are choosing to live as children of a living, heavenly Father who intervenes so that they might illuminate His greatness and glory.
So they have a party - a celebration! 
May we live neither confined or hidden by our circumstances. 
Listen to the music and start dancing!

Rescued

Discontented.
What is our response when we are interrupted, sidelined, stopped? 
I can be counted on to be frustrated and annoyed. I had a plan, something thought-out and organized. 
Why at every turn do I find a wall? 
This internal discontent begins to rise up and my thoughts are captured with ways I have been thwarted. Soon the venom is released. 
Everything is viewed with these glasses of discouragement. Doubt plagues my thoughts with fears and I begin to hold on to what I want. I'm sinking!

The LORD says, "I will rescue those who love me, I will protect those who trust in my name. When they call on me, I will answer, I will be with them in trouble. I will rescue and honor them."

Attention.
Could my interruption be a gracious intervention? Can I look at this through what I believe about God and His plans?

I'm realizing that in order to handle life's interruptions, I need to consider whether God and His purposes for me are really my heart's cry. 
Can I yield to Him if He calls me to do so? 
May I move forward today releasing what I desperately wanted in order to receive what I really need.

4th of July

One of the great things about living in Turlock has been the fireworks. Growing up in a place where lighting something was left to the professionals, I've found the practice of lining up on a driveway or across a lawn to take part in a home celebration to be quite thrilling. There's a method to this madness. You must carefully consider how you want to end the experience so that you have a really big finale. Showers of colors along with a high-pitch wail, followed by a huge bang can bring everyone to their feet. 
After inhaling the acrid smoke, blinded by strobes and flashes of lights and deafened from the explosions, everyone is satisfied. 
The children have danced in the street, waving bright wands of light,while boys of all ages stand around hoping their offering delivered a thrill. 
The food ranges from traditional hot dogs to gourmet dips and spreads. 
The mood is light and hanging out with family and friends on a beautiful night reminds us that fun and festivity is important. 

Letting go.
I'm wondering why celebration comes easily to some, while others find this to be unimportant? 
Why are we afraid to laugh with abandon, eat too much, and take time to just party? 
Children get this. They grab what’s offered, squealing with delight over a lighted stick, enjoying the noise and mayhem. While some of us sit back and watch with guarded hearts never quite giving in to the fun being offered. 
What do I have to loose in letting loose? Maybe for a moment I will forget what's troubling and hurtful today. Would that be a crime? 
In this world, there will be sorrow and joy. So why not grab those joy-moments and squeeze out every ounce of delightfulness. 
No worries, tomorrow may bring more hard things, but for today in this moment there is a celebration to experience. 
Join the fun, love the ones your with, eat another hot dog and celebrate!

Expectations!

Change.
After spending most of yesterday at church cleaning out old files, dumping what I now won’t need and lugging too much home, I find I feel too sad for words. 
I thought since this decision was initiated by me, I wouldn’t  need to be reminded of how much I will be missed! 
What I'm learning is that I wanted a bit of fanfare. 
Perhaps a pause from the rat race long enough to express some kind of sadness at my departure. Once again, I'm disappointed and surprised by my need. 

So now, I'm faced with a decision; I can choose to look at this from what I didn’t get, no fanfare,  or what I'm gaining, a new opportunity to explore my recovery without the pressure of the job. 

Different.
What will bring me peace? 
Dwelling on what will never be, or reveling in the what is to come? 
Can I use this painful experience to be something more in my response to others? 
When I encounter pain, loss and fear of the unknown, I want safe, familiar and expected. 
But will this path lead me to growth? 

Trust.
The ruts created by living small can be very deep. Sometimes it takes a flood to wash away the path, in order to create a new way to walk. 
The good news is that the uncharted trail leaves me with unlimited possibilities.  I'm now at a crossroad. 
What do I believe about trusting when I actually don’t know what’s next? 
I believe I want to learn to know the God who is willing to lead me in the way I should go when I feel like I'm stuck in the mud. 
Yes, some of the ruts have been washed away, but where is my next step? 

I am confident I will see the goodness while I am here in the land of the living. Wait patiently for the LORD. Be brave and courageous. Yes, wait patiently for the LORD. Psalm 27:13-14 

Look Up!

Reading Colossians 3, I'm challenged by this statement.

  "If you're serious about living the new resurrection life with Jesus then act like it!"

 It goes on to encourage me to stop looking at the ground, shuffling along absorbed with the things right in front of me. 
I'm hearing this exhortation while considering what's next on my home improvement list? Ouch! 
Just this morning I had a sweet time reading my Bible and sitting contemplating Israel's wanderings and rebellions. How easy it was for me to read of those people and how thick-headed and stubborn they were. 
Didn't they get it? God was taking care of them, providing for their needs. Setting up laws to abide by so that they could live full and rich lives. 
Isn't it easy when it's all about those people? 
I'm "those people". Restless and impatient, eyes downward only seeing what's right in front of me. 

Choices.
Reading further in Colossians, I'm reminded that my old life is dead and my new life - which is my real life is with Christ in God. He's my life. I'm invited into a life of love dressed in compassion, kindness, humility, quiet strength, discipline. 
I'm to be even-tempered, content with second place, quick to forgive an offense. It's the peace of Christ that will keep me in tune with others. The instruction is clear and I want to be serious, yet gravity is pulling my vision south. 
Oh Jesus, may I be alert to what's going on with You. May my gaze be focused up, seeing things from your eternal perspective. 

"Let the peace of Christ keep you in tune with each other, in step with each other. Every detail in your lives - words, actions, whatever - be done in the name of the Master Jesus, thanking God the Father every step of the way."